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Great Underrated Games of the Decade

by Pstonie (24 March 2005)

Gaming has come a long way in the last ten years. Earlier we had games like the orignal GTA, innovation over time has kept the franchise on top and we now have something much greater. It's easy to praise the hard work and sense of sexual adventure required to make a great game when the result is a best seller, but what of the ones that could not? What of the game development companies that start off with the idea of the century, get sidetracked with hentai and end up making a game based on an Uwe Boll movie instead? It is for this reason that I decided to dig around in the bargain bin of internet downloads to find the most underappreciated games of years past.

Action, Action, Titties! 3D!
This is actually a sequel to the original Action, Suggestive Nudity, but when a handful of eager players brought the sequel home expecting 3D they found that the only thing 3D about this game was the box it was packed in. Policies on nudity and erotic expression were pretty tight back then, so the game didn't actually have any titties. The fact that it was shipped with a broken installer and several crucial files missing made sure that the only action involved was when you took the game back to the shop you bought it from.

SamArk
This was one of the spin-offs of the Sim craze from back when there was a Sim craze. The people who produced this called themselves JesusSoft and were known for producing derivative games promoting Christian beliefs. The rights for the Sim-series of games belonged to Maxis and this forced JesusSoft to change the name to SamArk to avoid being sued and sodomised. The game was based loosely on Moses and his quest to build the fastest ark for the lord. You were playing against an AI opponent called 'The Antimoses' which was building against you. The one who completed the fastest ark for the lord first would be victorious. Failure would result in you being kicked back into the DOS promt whereafter your harddrive would be formatted. This was called the lord's wrath.


To avoid the aforementioned legal action the name was changed to SamArk at the last minute. A limited number of boxes are still available with the original name, FastArk, printed on it. These are considered collector's items amoung aficionados and people who think polystyrene is a valid foodgroup.

Holy
This is JesusSoft's most recognised title. People who bought the game (for someone else or by mistake) mostly complained that it was mainly Doom with some of the textures painted over and the weapons changed. The story centers around you trying to make it to the highest rung of Christianity through the 'religious education' of the commoners with whom you share heaven. Most of the weapons have been replaced with things such as religious texts and holy water. You and everyone you meet in heaven will then engage in an education contest. If you can educate them fast enough, they will dissapear and you can continue through the levels until you finally meet God at the very end of the game. God can only be successfully educated with the BFG.

So many games, so little time. I think that's enough for today, sinners!