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New EU brain chip angers weirdos and circus people

by Pstonie (14 December 2005)

A new initiative by the European Union to track individuals and monitor brainwaves has caused freedom activists and circus performers to protest. "This new chip they want to put in our heads will be tracked by satellite and will issue automatic speeding fines if you're going over the posted speed limit. How are we supposed to make a living?" Asked Howard The Magnificent, travelling daredevil with the Freedom Circus.

"Circus freaks have nothing to fear. This chip will monitor your intentions and thoughts as well and won't issue a speeding fine if you're being shot out of a cannon. It will only notify us if you're doing something dangerous, like driving a car." Commented James Cheesebread, trying to satisfy the crowd. The mob quickly regrouped and started protesting against abortion. The new chip will be implanted into every citizen and will guard against terrorist thoughts while also delivering relevant advertisements directly into the subject's subconscious. It will render the current TPM chip obsolete.