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by Pstonie (26 May 2006)

A routine inspection of the incoming mail for Kinghamsley Middle School revealed shocking results on Tuesday, when trained sniffer dogs found an envelope laced with cookie dust. The SAS were soon called in, who shortly thereafter managed to reveal a Skittles smuggling ring, that had apparently been operating with in the school for some time.

A search of student's lockers soon after revealed that students had been downloading and distributing recipes for plum pudding and other desserts from the internet, although the students involved said that the material is strictly for informational purposes only. The British Council of Education has decided to ban whole milk, citing child obesity concerns, and some say this may only be the beginning. Jamie Oliver's site has also been blocked on the middle school's firewall. Harold Spitsbuttle, a local proponent of banning everything, responded by making a humming sound.